Damn Cute
by audi katia
Summary: If one more person calls him cute, he will scream. ::insight to our favorite Russian::


I like this fandom! It's exciting! This is my first ST fan fic, and I know it pales in comparison to all the other amazing works in this fandom. But, this plot bunny was too fun, and dare I say it, _cute_ to ignore. Hope you enjoy it!

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. In the line of succession, ST ownership passes through hundreds of people before coming to me.**

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If one more person calls him _cute_, he will scream.

Well, maybe not scream. Because screaming is something that little kids do, and Chekov is tired of people thinking of him as a little kid.

So if one more person calls him _cute_ or _adorable_ or _darling_, he will gruffly tell them off. He'll just scream on the inside.

His whole life, he's been dealing with his so-called adorableness. Years of hair ruffling left him wholly unsurprised that his hair is so curly now. However, he is sincerely shocked that his cheeks are not permanently red from being pinched so often. And his aunts wondered why he wanted to leave Russia to go to Starfleet Academy.

However, that is nothing compared to what he's going through now on the Enterprise. He worked at the top of his class, aced every single math class he ever encountered, and skipped several grades to get the high position he now proudly holds.

And yet, his accomplishments account for nothing.

The day isn't over until Captain Kirk ruffles his hair at least once. He tugs on a curl or two, winking when Chekov gives him an annoyed glance. He also picked up Admiral Pike's tendency to call him _whiz-kid_.

And naturally, since Captain Kirk does it, Dr. McCoy has to echo. The doctor might deny it until he's blue in the face, but he does practically everything in step with Captain. The nickname wasn't so bad when it was just contained on the Bridge, but McCoy insists on calling him _whiz-kid_ in front of all the pretty nurses in Sickbay. No wonder he can't get a date.

Of course, that pales in comparison to the names that Lt. Uhura calls him. Just whose idea was it to keep a communications officer on the Bridge? Granted, it's probably logical in case of any messages sent from other planets (and logical because Spock actually has a girlfriend and assumedly gets some justified pleasure in silently rubbing it in Captain Kirk's face).

But Uhura is too good at her job and knows too many languages. So every day, after Captain Kirk ruffles his hair, Uhura calls him some term of an endearment from whatever language happens to tickle her fancy that day. For a whole week, she called him _lapochka_, and every time she did, Chekov experienced terrible flashbacks to those endless family reunions back in Russia.

Sulu offers a sympathetic look at times, but he's just a hypocrite. Whenever Chekov has to record something in the log, he over annunciates and strains his lips to say "victor" not "wictor." Those sympathetic looks are long gone and soon replaced with unsuppressed smiles and giggles. Yes, Sulu genuinely giggles! And people still insist on embarrassing _him_?! He'll never understand it.

Even Commander Spock, _Spock_! The logical one, the seemingly emotionless one! Even _he_ doesn't look appropriately pissed off when he accidentally calls him a _Wulcan_. Yet, when Dr. McCoy addresses his race as _hobgoblins_, Spock shares his best kiss-my-ass stoic stare.

The worst part of it all is that Chekov can completely understand it. Every time he looks into the mirror, he feels self-hatred for those doe eyes and his wiggly face. His lips are as red as a woman's, and even his angriest expression makes him look like jailbait. It wouldn't be so bad if he could at least grow some stubble, but alas, no such luck.

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Friday nights are what Captain Kirk likes to call "Bridge Nights." Everyone in the Bridge, and occasionally Mr. Scott, join together in the cafeteria for some drinks and laidback companionship.

Commander Spock voiced concern that even though Friday was the beginning of a weekend on planet Earth, their work must still continue on the weekends, and thus alcohol should not impair the judgment. Two minutes in the turbolift with Lt. Uhura, and his mind has been miraculously changed.

One Friday night, they all sit at one of the bigger circular tables in the center of room, each with their drink of choice in front of them. Captain Kirk tosses back his third shot while Dr. McCoy nurses his beer. Scotty drinks Scotch like a pro, and Sulu struggles to keep up. Even Commander Spock shares red wine with Uhura.

Meanwhile, the glass of sparkling apple juice sits untouched in front of Chekov. Bitterly, he wonders why the bartender didn't just pour it into a sippy cup and complete his mortification. He helped saved planet Earth from sheer and utter destruction. Couldn't he at least get some vodka? Or even a light Budweiser Classic?

Staring bleakly at the appropriate drink for his underage status, he misses some joke the captain tells the group. Looking up with confused (and thus adorable) eyes, his friends smile at his reaction.

Captain Kirk ruffles his hair once again, and the whole table laughs (minus Spock, but even the corners of his mouth have twitched slightly) as Chekov fixes him with his most glaring eyes. Wiping tears of mirth from his eyes, Scotty comments that no one can be seriously upset with those cute eyes.

Chekov feels his round cheeks burn with embarrassment, but he smiles as though he's not silently cursing them all in his mind.

If they're going to call him _cute_, they should at least call him _damn cute_. That's at least slightly less degrading.

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_**NOTE**: _Lapochka _means "darling" or, when exactly translated, "little paw" in Russian. **EDIT: A big thank you to** Mournsong **who helped me fix my Russian! You're great! Thank you so much!**_

Poor Chekov. I can't watch the movie or even think of him without thinking how adorable he is. I know I'm not the only one who does that, so I can only imagine how annoying that must be. Anyway, hope you all enjoyed it! Please review!


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